Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
