im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
