i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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