the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Someone signed my nipple.
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