Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
