a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
