I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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