I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
