In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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