You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
