I can tuck mytits in my pants
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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