Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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