I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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