she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
