I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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