He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
