Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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