I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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