Cold hands, warm shart.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
