There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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