got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
