some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
