While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
