fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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