well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
