PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
