She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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