you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
