two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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