Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Randomize
