He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
