sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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