Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
