I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
