She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
