38 yer olds are good kisserssss
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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