Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
