Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
