literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
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im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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