remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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