I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
