Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
