if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him