Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.