apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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