I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
