Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt