is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
