i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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