I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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