Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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