btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
