the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
