She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize