my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
