Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
