last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
