I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
