Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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