puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
