I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
