you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
