I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
