I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
