Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
