the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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