His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
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I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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