2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
