New low: just hacked my moms facebook
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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