he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
